I Have a Secret

I have a secret.

I am vain about my hair.

Most people don’t know that about me.  It’s always tied up in a bun.  But it’s very beautiful, if I’m honest.  It’s long (usually) and curly and blonde.  Many people I have known for years haven’t even seen it!

That is secretly the reason I always wear visors at work instead of hats.  That way my hair will bleach, and I’ll have nice highlights.  But I would never spend money on such things as dye or treatment.

About every 18-20 months, I cut of 12 or so inches of my hair and send it to Florida for Locks of Love.  (They make wigs for kids with cancer and stuff.  Super cool.)  I had planned to cut it off in January, but my sister got engaged.  She said she wanted my hair long in her wedding, so I waited until after the wedding to cut it off.  Just a week ago, I cut off 15 inches!  That’s as long as I’ve ever cut off at once.

A friend of mine cuts my hair.  We usually trade.  I watch her kids, and she cuts my hair.  It works out well, and she does a great job.

While she was cutting it this time, she was having a hard time getting it even on both sides.  After looking around, she figured out why.

My hair is falling out.

On the left side of my head, there are two bald spots about the size of nickels or quarters.

When she showed me, my heart sunk.

I have thin hair anyway, and I know that losing hair/balding/thinning is common with lupus.  I’m not surprised it’s happening.  But I guess part of me was just hoping it wouldn’t.  Or at least not now.  When I’m old, it’s fine.

Now I join the ranks of thousands of women with lupus who, along with a myriad of other problems, are losing their hair.  And losing it in patches, nonetheless.

My secret isn’t so much that my hair is falling out as that I care so much that it’s falling out.  But now you know both facts.

I guess that’s all I have to say on the subject.  I was really disappointed about the whole thing.  But it’s just hair, right?