This week, I saw a doctor who I had seen regularly for a few years, but now have not seen for nearly two years. Thus, I have not seen her since my diagnosis. She comes into the room and says, “So, you’re on a lot of new medications. What’s going on?”
At one point since being diagnosed, I was taking something like 22 pills a day. Not including random ibuprophen or Excedrin. All in all, I am very aware of the vast amount of chemicals I put into my body each day.
Last month, I started on a new drug, Provigil. It is used to promote “wakefulness,” but is very hard to get a prescription for because so many people abuse it. Pretty much, you have to be narcoleptic or have sleep apnea to get it.
For the first few days, I could very clearly feel it pumping through my system. The first morning I was on it, I nearly got in two car accidents! My head was mighty cloudy and I was feeling shaky. After a week or two, I didn’t notice it as much. (I also didn’t notice it making any difference in my wakefulness.)
A few days ago, I wasn’t feeling well. I felt like chemicals were pulsing through my veins again, even though there was no change in my meds. It’s an odd feeling because you kind of feel sick, but there’s nothing you can do about it. I sort of felt like I was in a chemical-induced stupor and just trying to make it through the day.
This begs the question: at what point is the cure worse than the symptom?
