Naptime. A time of day often coveted by parents of young children and dreaded by the children themselves. What other time of the day do you have no one pulling at your legs, asking question after question, or coloring on the carpet? In fact, as I write this, I am babysitting a little one who is napping. Peace.
Such is not the case in the life of this woman with lupus. For me, naps are a necessity, not a luxury. Louie has made it clear that if he gets twelve hours per day to sleep, I can have the other twelve to do with whatever I’d like. If he doesn’t get what he wants, it gets bad in a hurry.
Most mornings, I run through my plan for the day and portion out my time. It will take me so long to get to work, and then I’ll be there until whenever, and drive home. Will I have time for a nap before I have to start my evening plans? (I only have set plans one evening a week, mind you.) Will I need to get off work early in order to nap? What if I didn’t nap? I could just go to bed at 7…
Daily, I have to decide what’s important to keep and what can go. The amount of people I can see in a week and invest in well has gone down quite a bit. Many times, I miss it more than I can explain. The things I love most are now given fewer hours, as Louie is more demanding than ever. I got a real good look at what my actual priorities are when I had to start cutting from the bottom and work my way up. There were some sucky decisions to be made.
In order to function sort of as a grown-up, I have to have income. Therefore, I can’t not work. But I can work less. Coffee with people all week has all but stopped- partially because of the time, and partially because of my reduced income. There are about half-a-dozen people I make it a priority to see, but anyone after that is just bonus. It’s rare now that I do lighting at church, which I love, but instead I am training new young pups to do my job.
Possibly the hardest thing has been to have less time and less energy to spend with my beloved high school students. I still give what I can, and often walk away spent. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for them. My weeks are planned around making sure my Wednesday is set up for success- success in rationing my energy to have my best to give to them.
Over and over I have watched God give me exactly what I need right when I need it. It is true that He supplies our every need- even if it’s 14 hours to sleep, or to make it through the day without a nap. For that, I will rejoice… when I wake up.
