A common topic in writings such as these is the amount of things we lose when we get sick. Some people lose the ability to walk, others end up losing their careers, and still others the ability to do what they love- be it working out, doing intricate work with swollen hands or staying awake all day. Yes, we’ve all lost something due to illness.
For me, the biggest thing that I’ve lost, specifically due to the combination of Louie and a full-time job, is the energy and time to spend with the people I love most. I have more or less pared down the relationships I have, into an amount I can handle to just a few, and even those are not where I’d like them to be, as I only have a few hours a week to spend with people. Most of the other things I can live with losing, but losing the people in my life is the hardest.
Tonight at church, we sang a song that thanked Christ for going to the cross and for giving his life. It got me thinking.
I wonder what Jesus’ childhood dreams were. Was He excited to become a carpenter, perhaps the best carpenter in Nazareth? Did He want to do something else? Was He hoping to get married and raise a family? As He got older, did he realize that those things would never happen?
The night before He was captured, in the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed that if God had any other way to accomplish His will, could the cup of suffering please pass by Him. Generally, people understand that Jesus was not wanting to go through the pain and suffering and dying He would experience in the next few days. I completely understand that. But, I wonder if there was a part of Him that wasn’t ready to die, as in, He had more hopes and dreams and things He wanted to do and accomplish.
Jesus was approximately 33 when he lost His life. If we remove the God-Man part of it, which tells us that He is alive in heaven, and only look at the part where He was human, our perspective changes. A big reason why God send Jesus to live here with us is so He could experience all the aspects of being human- all the emotions, growing up, pain, the flu… He felt sad at the loss of loved ones, maybe got made fun of as a kid, and I’m sure He had hopes and dreams for his adult life.
I look at my situation with Louie, and I know that the rest of my life is changed. I will lose out on some things I was hoping to do, but I’m gaining other things, like wisdom and patience. Did Jesus look at His life and circumstances and feel a sense of loss at what He wouldn’t have because of a life cut so short? He lost more to be our Savior than we ever will due to a disease.
More important, though, I think isn’t the amount of things He lost, but that He made the most of all the time He had, despite circumstances. Everyday was lived doing the will of God.
What am I using my time, energy, circumstances for? Does my sense of loss overshadow what I can still do?
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